I just saw a picture of Justin Bieber’s new “eye” tattoo – UGH! It made me NOSTALGIC (longing for the past) for the old days just three years ago when Bieber was an innocent 16 year-old who had no tattoos and no fast cars. So let’s take a trip down memory lane and revisit JB’s 2010 hit “Baby:”

It seemed like the whole planet had Bieber fever in the summer of 2010. JB was UBIQUITOUS (everywhere). Resistance was FUTILE (doomed to failure). The 16-year-old Bieber quickly became
a tween DIETY (godlike figure) who totally ECLIPSED (surpassed) the Jonas Brothers. JB’s FERVENT
(super enthusiastic fans) viewed “Baby” over 300 million times making it the then most watched video in YouTube’s history. (Remember this was before “Gangnam Style” soared over 1 billion views. FYI “Baby” currently has 874 million views.)

In “Baby” a teenage girl played by Jasmine Villegas actually SPURNS (rejects) JB. But will Jasmine’s decision be IRREVOCABLE (can’t be reversed)? Or will Jasmine ultimately SUCCUMB (give in) to Bieber fever? Will The Essential 500 Words somehow save the day? Let’s carefully SCRUTINIZE (examine) both “Baby’s” lyrics and video to find answers to these questions:

Ohh wooaah, ohh wooaah, ohh wooaah.
You know you love me. I know you care.
Just shout whenever, and I’ll be there.
You are my love, you are my heart,
And we will never ever-ever be apart.

Justin has totally fallen for Jasmine. She is beautiful and VIVACIOUS (full of life). Justin is convinced that Jasmine will RECIPROCATE (return) his feelings. Filled with youthful innocence, the INGENUOUS (openhearted, honest) Justin BLITHELY (cheerfully) looks forward to a romance in which he and Jasmine “will never ever-ever be apart.”

Are we an item? Girl quit playin.
“We’re just friends.”
What are you sayin?
Said there’s another and looked right in my eyes.
My first love broke my heart for the first time.

Justin is DUMBFOUNDED (totally shocked) to learn that Jasmine now says they are “just friends.” Blindsided by the news, Justin INCREDULOUSLY (disbelieving) asks, “What are you sayin?” Sorry to break it to you Justin, but Jasmine is CAPRICIOUS (fickle, impulsive). We can all COMMISERATE (sympathize) with how you feel. It’s true, the first cut is the deepest.

And I was like
Baby, baby, baby, baby ooh.
Like baby, baby, baby noo.
Like baby, baby, baby ooh.
Thought you’d always be mine, mine.

Baby, baby, baby, ohh.
Like baby, baby, baby noo.
Like baby, baby, baby, ohh.
Thought you’d always be mine, mine.

Justin cannot FATHOM (understand) why Jasmine broke up with him. This is unthinkable. How could she resist Bieber fever? Justin ERRONEOUSLY (wrongly) believed that Jasmine would always be his.

For you, I would have done whatever.
I just can’t believe we ain’t together.
I want to play it cool, but I’m losing you.
I’ll buy you anything. I’ll buy you any ring.
And I’m in pieces, baby fix me,
And just shake me til’ you wake me from this bad dream.

Justin feels great ANGUISH (distress) over the loss of his first love. He still has strong feelings for Jasmine and will do anything to win her back. In the video, Justin and his Young Money pals Drake and Lil Twist begin to break out some new dance moves designed to impress Jasmine. But alas, their efforts seem to be FUTILE (useless).

I’m going down, down, down.
I just can’t believe my first love won’t be around.
And I’m like,
Baby, baby, baby ooh.
Like baby, baby, baby, noo.
Like baby, baby, baby ooh.
Thought you’d always be mine, mine.

Baby, baby, baby ooh.
Like baby, baby, baby, noo.
Like baby, baby, baby ooh.
Thought you’d always be mine, mine.

Justin, dude, here is some SAGE (wise) advice from L-Kriegs (ie me):
Yo Justin! I’m not here to REPROACH (scold),
but you really need a coach.
Don’t make this a SAGA (long story),
you’re not Lady Gaga!
I’m sorry to be a PUNDIT (commentator),
but your song is getting REDUNDANT (repetitive).
Dude, use a little GUILE (cleverness),
all you have to do is flip your hair and smile.
If you want to restore your BLISS (happiness),
all you have to do is listen to Ludacris!

Luda: When I was thirteen, I had my first loss.
There was nobody that compared to my baby.
Nobody cam between us,
or could ever come above.
She had me going crazy.
Oh I was starstruck.
She woke me up daily.
Don’t need no Starbucks.
She made my heart pound,
And skip a beat when I see her in the street,
and at school, on the playground.
But I really wanna see her on the weekend.
She knew she got me dazing,
Cuz she was so amazing.
And now, now my heart is breakin’
But I just keep on sayin’.

Ludacris digs deep into his past and comes up with an ANECDOTE (short story) describing his first love. Ludacris’ DIDACTIC (instructive) story seems to work. Justin regains his swagger and PANACHE (flair). This is not a bad romance after all. In the video, Justin unveils more dance moves including an impressive moonwalk. The breakup proves to be EPHEMERAL (brief). Justin flashes his fans a V to let them know that everything is cool. He and Jasmine walk away hand in hand. If you look closely, you can see that they are each carrying a copy of The Essential 500 Words. There is no defense against Bieber fever. And there is no way the SAT can defend against The Essential 500 Words. Always remember – a couple that AUGMENTS their vocabulary together stays together!

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